Once a Friend

This morning I wrote a friend of mine who I haven't seen or talked to in a year because we had a series of arguments that just finally killed our friendship. A few weeks ago, she tells me that she is getting a divorce.

Of course I'm sad. Who wouldn't be? But I felt these overwhelming desires to either not even respond, because I don't need the drama, or, open my arms and welcome her back in. I don't know which one she wanted, but, I responded in like manner to her email to me, told her I was sorry that she was going through a difficult time. Enough said.

However, I happened to be watching an episode of House, where the patient was a blogger, and it made me think about my friend's blog. After not visiting it for months, I checked in, and the emotional onslaught was huge.

Am I bad friend, even though we had argued, to not make sure she was doing okay? I don't "think" so, but my body "feels" so. Is it my fault that she's not happy? No. Then why do I feel like it is my responsibility to make her happy again?

I ended up writing her an email. I tried to be honest, but not hurtful. I told her, or at least I think I did, that I can't be friends with someone that is so destructive. Now, it remains to be seen if she sees herself as destructive. If she does, maybe there's hope for our friendship yet. If not, well, denial is a bitch!

Update: 4/8/10
It had been a few days, and I still hadn't heard anything from the friend I wrote, which, I found odd, but not unbelievable. Well, today, I was writing another friend, and I sent off the letter, and since it had taken me forever, my email program had saved it in the draft folder. When I went to go delete it from the draft folder, there was the letter I had written to my friend. I had never sent it!

So now I have to decide, do I still send it, or, do I just let things lie? Since I can leave the email right where it is, and it'll be there if I ever decide to send it, I think I'm going to let things stay just how they are right now. I may stop by her blog, but, after thinking about it for the last few days, I still think we would just be wrong for each other. She would hold me back from growing as a person, and I dont think she's ready to get better yet. It can only be a decision you make for yourself. So, I guess everything happens for a reason.