Jealousy

I've never thought of myself as a jealous person. I can't remember ever being jealous before now. I've been accused of being jealous, but in my defense, I just wanted my boyfriend at the time to wake up and smell the coffee that this girl was not just being his friend. She was going to do everything she could to push me out of his life, not excluding trashing me every chance she got. I wasn't jealous of her or worried about losing him, I was more pissed off that he was being so naive. He interpreted that as jealousy.

I now have moments of jealousy, even though I don't think that my boyfriend is going to leave me. It would break my heart into a million pieces if he did, because I just can't imagine life without him. Maybe that's where the jealousy jumps in. Waking up and knowing that he was not going to be at my side, and that he no longer loved me, I can't imagine that. I doubt I would find the will to get out of bed. So yes, for completely selfish reasons, I don't want to ever be that unhappy, and again, maybe that's the jealousy.

I think that unless I am living in some alternate universe, or completely self absorbed, I really genuinely believe, that we have a damn good thing going. But, I also don't want him to be tempted. Nor would I want to put myself in a position where I would be tempted to mess up said "good thing". There, my friend, is my rationale for jealousy.

If I'm going to go to a bar with some male friends of mine, I would hope that my boyfriend, who I know trusts me, and at least some of my friends, would still have some reservations. And lets call that reservation, jealousy.

If my boyfriend is going to have coffee with an old girlfriend, I'm going to be jealous. What if she wakes up and realizes that she had the most wonderful man ever? See, because I know he's a wonderful man. I see it every day! I think he's the greatest man I have ever known. So what if she finally sees the light?

To keep that from happening, I guess I just have to coach him on table manners and set out his clothes for the day. If he catches on to the plaid and chewing with the mouth open thing, I'll just say its because I love him!