My mom wrote this morning to tell me that she would be in town next week, and would I want to get together. Well, hell no I don't want to get together. I haven't talked to her in nine months for a reason.
But, then the remorse and guilt kick in. What if this is the last time I ever get to see her? Rubbish.
What are the positives? We could talk. Maybe talk about things that actually matter and get on the road to healing this broken relationship. What are the odds of that happening? Slim to none. Unless she really has missed me like she says she has. Not like she's ever lied to me before.
What are the negatives? Here's where it gets tough, because some of the negatives are my own. Like, my pride. I don't want to see her because I still don't feel good enough. I don't want to see her again till I'm running for President or something. Or maybe till my children are 6 or 7 and I can stick it to her, so she knows what its like to not have known someone you really wanted to, and really should been a part of your life, of course, I'd have to wait alot longer for that to be more accurate.
Then, there's the whole bit about me thinking she's a really sane person now and won't pull any of the crap she has time and time again and she's all together now.
Anyways, the negatives. She could emotionally upset me. I mean, look at what a stupid letter did. Two paragraphs compared to an hour, face-to-face? I'm going to need to take a few days off of work to recover. Also, it then becomes a fight between all the other family members I've written off. I don't want to talk with any of them either, so here I'm showing favorites, right?
I guess I still have some time to think about it.
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